all is yours when the morning comes

These works engage with the pull of the unknown, vacillating between what was, what is, and what could be. I made this work during a season of intense and rapid change that touched every aspect of my life, public and private, which also coincided with a near drowning experience from a kayaking accident. While I am typically resistant to creating work that is overtly autobiographical, this year it was impossible to divorce my practice from the messiness of healing while being haunted by the emotional intensity of grief.

Central to the work are images from the tarot, which add a mystical, surreal layer. In previous writings a few years earlier, I noted that:

One rarely consults a tarot deck or a tarot reader when they feel confident about where things are heading in their life. It takes on much more significance when it confirms something we are anxious or hopeful about – you will get that job, you will meet the love of your life, odds are good that the year will be a prosperous one, et cetera. Visions, voices, or messages from beyond tend to find us more readily when we experience grief and loss. Speaking to spirits is an alternative form of connection when we are lonely and our relationships with the living feel strained, tenuous, or nonexistent.

In ghost stories, voices from the beyond or the past may return to bring messages of importance, or offer care, warning, and protection; this voice from my past self feels especially poignant right now. During a recent tarot reading with a medium that I sought out in my grief, she reported my spirit guides appeared in the form of mud people from the bottom of the river. To me it suggests that insight comes from messy, earthy experience, not just intellectual musing, which as a rational, academically-inclined person I struggle to accept.

This is also a work of becoming and a resurrection from numbness. Of the self from behind the masks of wife, lover, teacher, public servant, good woman. Of asking, again and again and again:

Who was I before I was theirs?

And who will I be now that the current has me?

all is yours when the morning comes was presented at Rachel Ralph Gallery from September 27 - November 9, 2025 in the solo exhibition “all is yours when the morning comes” curated by Rachel Ralph.

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